John Petrucci is Fucking Huge

Much like man’s best friend, John Petrucci fucking LOVES wind in his face.  -CV

JP fucking hates lefties.

I mean, who doesn’t?  Weirdos…

…and that was the last fucking time anyone saw Jordan Rudess.

[image submitted by Aaron R. - thanks!]

True story - for years now, JP has been autographing guitars, “I’m god, just remember that. And don’t get any fucking ideas. John Petrucci.”

JP holds out one of his signature picks - a steel garbage can lid.  No, this is not a fucking camera trick.

JP sees you…and he’s not too fucking amused.

…and that was the last fucking time anyone saw that whammy bar.

[image submitted by Nils]

When confronted with an angry JP, it’s best to just let him swing his balls in your face if he wants to.  The guy’s fucking huge, what are you gonna do?

JP is so fucking huge he can take cat naps during shows and his arms will take care of the rest.

Word of Warning: if you’re not rocking out at his concert, JP will find you and hunt you the fuck down.

[image submitted by Nils]

The only logical fucking answer Google has for you.

JP circa 1990-1992…back when he thought being fucking huge wasnt too fucking important.

Once a day, JP gets together with Sterling Ball just to laugh at how fucking awful you are at playing the guitar.  Face it, you’re garbage.

Often unaware of his own freakish strength, JP strums his chords like a fucking champ.

Every now and then, JP has to remind the rest of Dream Theater how fucking huge he’s getting…ya kno, so they know whats up.