John Petrucci is Fucking Huge

JP’s yearbook quote: “I told you fuckers, I’m God.”

Be careful, front-rowers…if JP doesn’t like how you’re acting, he’ll come up and knee you right in the fucking face.

JP moonlights as Mike Portnoy’s personal bodyguard.

Not too fucking surprising really…

…and that was the last fucking time anyone saw Jordan Rudess.

[image submitted by Aaron R. - thanks!]

FAN MAIL:

F.A.Q.: “Just how fucking huge is John Petrucci? lol”

JPiFH: 18ft. tall…here he is on stage, towering over a 3x2 wall of amps.  And quit your laughin, this ain’t nothin to lawl about.

JP poses with one of his many fans, or as he likes to call them, “lunch.”

Someone should really look into this…I mean, the fucking guy eats people. 

True story - for years now, JP has been autographing guitars, “I’m god, just remember that. And don’t get any fucking ideas. John Petrucci.”

JP holds out one of his signature picks - a steel garbage can lid.  No, this is not a fucking camera trick.

JP sees you…and he’s not too fucking amused.

…and that was the last fucking time anyone saw that whammy bar.

[image submitted by Nils]

When confronted with an angry JP, it’s best to just let him swing his balls in your face if he wants to.  The guy’s fucking huge, what are you gonna do?

During late shows, JP turns into a fucking werewolf.

[image submitted by Nils]

JP is so fucking huge he can take cat naps during shows and his arms will take care of the rest.

Word of Warning: if you’re not rocking out at his concert, JP will find you and hunt you the fuck down.

[image submitted by Nils]

The only logical fucking answer Google has for you.